i can’t remember the last time i rly laughed like a tears pouring down my face i can’t breathe my whole body’s aching laugh and that makes me rly sad

I hate this feeling. I hate these dark thoughts that are poisoning my dreams and blocking my vision. I hate this feeling. I hate not knowing what’s going to happen. What’s worse? I hate knowing what’s going to happen and not being able to do anything about it. Powerless. Helpless. Isolated. Suffocated. It’s so overwhelming. I can’t sleep. I’m responsible for someone and I don’t trust myself to rest. I don’t deserve it. I deserve to be exhausted, scared, helpless, vulnerable, and guilty. I deserve this. Once she realizes I’m a crap friend, things will be easier. I will have less to lose. This won’t hurt so bad. I’ll be alone but I’ll be by myself. No one wants to be around a failure. A fuck up. Someone like me. I had all the potential in the WORLD. And I blew it. Why? I was lazy, scared of my own greatness. I wanted friends, companionship, all of which I struggled to obtain or never really got. Now I’m alone. Isolated. I just want to die. It’d be so easy. But dying’s a sin and I have enough problems. So for the billionth time, I’ll ask God for help and guidance. To lead me out of this dark place where I have no one. Where I feel worthless. Where the pain is overwhelming and no one can possibly understand. I feel like I’m going to die alone. No family, friends, or friendly neighbors. Just me. Hopefully a dog as well. It’s just a feeling. Most of my feelings have a terrible habit of coming true though. I hope and pray this isn’t true. I’m just in a bad place right now. I’ll be ok. This too shall pass.

“these kids wear crowns over here and everything is alright.” -Drake

Yesterday was the last day of my sophomore year of college! It was stressful, hectic, and bittersweet and I am so glad it’s over. I moved out of my dorm room and into my new apartment for the summer and had the opportunity to minister through dance to the wonderful African-American graduating class of Michigan State University, Class of 2012. I attempted to clean my new room (semi-fail), saw the Avengers (which was AWESOME:), and ended this ridiculously long day with desperately needed shower at 5am (idk why I’m still up, smh). I’m probably going to sleep for a week.

I’m nervous and excited for this summer because it’s the first time I’ll be living on my own and experience life as a legitimate adult (so far the only part I like is having my own room and bathroom). This is a big deal because my parents baby me against my will. Nevertheless, I am ready for whatever situations may come my way. I DEFINITELY would not have made it this far without God. He has and will continue to supply all my needs so that I will want for nothing. 

Hopefully I’ll be blogging again soon but until then, farewell and God bless <3

I have a feeling that I’m going to be the only single friend for a while. It’s funny in a sad way.

I would tell her this but she’s not here -_-

Everyday I am reminded of how short and unexpected life is. Please take care of yourself and don’t take anything for granted. You are alive for a reason. Don’t ever forget that.

We all know that life is short and yet we still take it for granted. I just want whoever is reading this to know that even when you feel completely abandoned by everyone you thought you could count on, you are still not alone. God is always there with you through the good times and the bad. He loves you more than you could possibly imagine and even though I may not know you, I love you too :)

P.S. Everything in life happens for a reason. God doesn’t make mistakes.